this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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