look no pants
I skipped work to stalk him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
