tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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