So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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