i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize