I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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