I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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