Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
