after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
