Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize