It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
