Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
