i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
