eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just google imaged poop.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
