I want to make a zoo with you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
