i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
