I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
