I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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