If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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