Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
