Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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