just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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