i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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