After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
