I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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