I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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