My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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