Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
