i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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