The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you didnt know i had herpes?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
