WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
