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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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