They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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