Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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