The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
