So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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