There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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