You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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