yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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