I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
