Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
