saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You can't just leave with hair like that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
