Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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