I am puke
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
