Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
