I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
