Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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