Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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