Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
