she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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