tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
