my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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