I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
