you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
