Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
