He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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