I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize