end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
