No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
