At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
