I'm eating all of the evidence.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize