i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
