it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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